


Lost and Found

by phichithamsters



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst Lite, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, M/M, Takes place around episode 11/12, asheiji, canon-verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-08 00:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20985044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phichithamsters/pseuds/phichithamsters
Summary: Eiji just wants to explore New York City. Ash isn't so sure.-Inspired by the prompt: "lost in New York"





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlakRabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlakRabbit/gifts).

> This is my gift for the Banana Fish October gift exchange, written for [@BlakRabbit.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlakRabbit/pseuds/BlakRabbit) I hope you enjoy!

It had taken a lot of convincing, but eventually, Ash relented. 

The caveat was that Ash was in charge of all of the arrangements. Eiji had originally protested, arguing that he could protect them both by himself, but Ash shot him one famous Ash Lynx glare, and that had shut him up.

To be honest, there wasn’t much _ to _ plan; it gave Ash a sense of control amid the spiraling fear that he was making a mistake leaving the apartment with Eiji, especially with so much at stake. But he knew that he owed it to Eiji, that life in an 1800 square foot apartment was no life at all, and that Eiji had sacrificed so much just to be by his side. 

So he gave in, even though every fiber of his being told him not to. 

Eiji walked a few paces in front of him, and Ash tried not to let his mind wander too much. His senses were on high alert; even in sunglasses, hats, and large overcoats, Ash kept his right hand lightly on his hip where his Model 27 revolver sat. Every car that raced by them made him flinch, and the times when they waited at a crosswalk made his heart race as the seconds counted down to “Walk.”

They had been walking for about an hour. While still relatively close to their penthouse, the scenery around Ash was beginning to look more and more unfamiliar. The grey stones he was used to were giving way to exposed brick and old, winding vines. The crowds had been slowly thinning, and so had the buildings; the skyscrapers dotted the road like old willows instead of the towering redwoods he was used to. It was peaceful here. Against all better judgment, Ash felt his hands beginning to relax, his shoulders slumping forward slightly as he walked. He focused on the sounds of his soles on the pavement and Eiji’s in front of him.

Suddenly, Eiji turned into a large building with sliding glass doors. It stood apart from the rest, sleek and modern, all corners. Ash followed close behind, surprised when Eiji nodded at the desk attendant and strode over to the elevator. Ash took note of the security cameras and stood by Eiji’s shoulder.

“Nice place,” is all he offered. Eiji watched the elevator doors open and stepped in. More curious in Eiji’s confidence than afraid, Ash stepped in behind him with a grin.

“Did you happen to buy another penthouse?” Ash asked. Eiji smiled ahead absentmindedly.

“If you ask questions, you’ll ruin the surprise.”

“I don’t want to be surprised.”

“I told you to trust me, didn’t I?”

“I can change my mind, onii-chan,” Ash said. The elevator pulled to a halt.

“After you,” Eiji said with a sweeping gesture, and seeing Ash’s clear hesitation, he added: “It’s safe. Promise.”

— 

It hadn’t been his idea originally. Eiji was the one who brought it up in the first place. 

Ash had come home after another long day of surveillance, bone-tired and no closer to finding evidence about Golzine’s enterprises, and he found Eiji waiting for him at the table. On any other night, they would eat separately, existing in their own spaces and breathing in each other’s exhales until they fell asleep in separate beds that were pushed together. Ash knew it wasn’t fair to Eiji, but he also knew that it was the only way to protect him. 

But that night, Eiji was sitting at the dinner table with curry over rice that smelled incredible. Ash kicked off his shoes and fell down into the chair, thankful for the food that was so kindly presented to him. He remembered the days before he’d met Eiji, when exhaustion would seep into his bones and he’d be too tired to cook or find something to eat unless Shorter or Skip would bring him take-out from Chang Dai, and then he’d work until he fell asleep over his laptop. 

Eiji smiled when Ash sat down. It looked like he’d waited until Ash came home to start eating. 

“How are you doing?” Eiji asked, picking up his chopsticks. Ash knew the real questions Eiji was hinting at—_ where did you go today, what did you find, are you okay _— but he never would ask them aloud. Instead, Eiji simply made opened the space and allowed Ash to step in, but only if he wanted. 

“I’m fine. Exhausted,” Ash said between mouthfuls of curry, which Eiji was able to understand. _ Uneventful, I didn’t find anything, nothing happened _. “Thanks for the food,” Ash added, quickly. 

Eiji smiled brightly again, until Ash added the word “housewife,” and then he scowled and flicked a spoonful of curry at Ash. 

Ash dodged it with a tilt of his head, but he had to admit, Eiji’s aim was getting better. 

“What did you do today?” Ash asked. “Other than slaving over this delicious meal for me,” he added with a wink. 

Eiji groaned. “See, this is why I don’t do nice things for you.”

“But big brothers are supposed to look out for their little brothers!” Ash pouted. 

“You’re insufferable,” Eiji said. “But anyway, I watched a movie. One of your old DVDs. Something called _ Home Alone 2 _, I think.”

Ash gasped. “I remember that movie! I haven’t seen it since I was a kid. I have no idea why I still have it,” he said thoughtfully. “Remind me, what’s it about?”

“A child gets lost in New York City,” Eiji said carefully, but Ash caught _ it _, the hesitation in Eiji’s voice. 

He narrowed his eyes. “What.”

“What?” Eiji said defensively, crossing his arms. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You have that look about you. Spit it out,” Ash said and stabbed some pieces of rice in his bowl for good measure. 

Eiji looked indignant and then sighed. “I just thought... well, have you ever gotten lost in the city?”

Ash scoffed. “Never. I know this city like the back of my hand. Better than the back of my hand— more like a book I’ve read a thousand times.”

“But wouldn’t it be fun to just like, I dunno, wander around the city? Explore? Walk with no particular direction? See places you’ve never—”

“Eiji,” Ash said, cutting him off. “No.” He stood up from the table and walked into the kitchen with his empty bowl. 

“Ash, I just—”

“Look, I know it’s hard not being able to leave the apartment. And I’m sorry about that, but it’s an unavoidable fact of life. You aren’t safe out there,” Ash said curtly. Fear and ire were beginning to boil up inside of him, so he forced himself to focus the bowl he was washing. 

He had just turned off the water when he realized that Eiji hadn’t said anything. Had he been too harsh? Of all people, Ash knew what it was like to be cooped up in a space for too long, to feel suffocated by the walls around you, like there wasn’t enough oxygen to keep your lungs breathing. 

He was surprised when Eiji spoke again.

“I’m sorry,” Eiji whispered. “I... I shouldn’t have brought it up. I really am thankful for everything you’re doing for me, Ash, and I get it. It was stupid of me to consider it.”

All at once, Ash felt terrible about his outburst, and he tried to speak up but Eiji was smiling again and walking past him into the kitchen to clean his plate. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. Sorry for worrying you,” he said. Ash just nodded, slightly confused at Eiji’s shift in tone but thankful that he understood the necessity of the situation. 

He was doing this to protect Eiji, he reminded himself.

Later that night, after he was sure Eiji was snoring softly, Ash found the old DVD in the living room. He read the summary and ran his fingers over the pictures, memories and tears flowing from the corners of his eyes. 

In the dark of the apartment, Ash wept for a childhood long gone. 

— 

The elevator pinged to a stop, and Ash and Eiji stepped out. Ash trusted that Eiji knew what he was doing, but even still, his right hand returned warily to his waistband. 

The elevator doors closed, and in front of them was a long hallway with numbered doors. Eiji led them to the end of a hallway where a small burgundy door was nestled in between a corner and a stairwell. Eiji pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, and along with it went the hair in his eyes.

“Cute,” Ash said. 

Eiji ignored him. He pulled out a pin and a small piece of flat metal, and, to Ash’s surprise, inserted them into the lock of the unmarked door.

Ash’s eyes widened. “When did you learn _ that?” _

“I’ve had a lot of time on my hands,” Eiji responded, his focus trained on the task in front of him. Ash felt a small swell of pride in his chest when the lock open with a faint _ click _and a self-satisfied grin from Eiji. 

He stood up to face Ash, brushing his hands on his jeans for showmanship. “Do you trust me?”

“I already said I did.”

“You said you changed your mind,” Eiji reminded him.

“Well, circumstances have changed. Again,” Ash replied, smirking at the unlocked door that was now propped open in front of them.

“Good. Follow me,” Eiji said, opening the door to reveal a set of stairs. 

Eiji flicked on a light in the cramped stairwell, and Ash closed the door behind him. 

They took them two at a time. Ash knew where they were going, but he felt a childlike excitement nonetheless. It had been so long since he’d been surprised… he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt the anticipation bubbling up inside him, threatening to burst like a shaken soda. He savored the feeling.

After three winding flights, they reached another door which Eiji deftly unlocked. Before opening it, he turned back to Ash, his hand on the doorknob.

“Excited?” He asked, a glimmer in his eye. Ash was afraid to tell Eiji how exhilarated he truly felt, how rush of his heartbeat in his ears was enough to deafen him. So he just nodded. Eiji smiled broadly and threw open the door with a flourish. 

—

“You _ left?” _ Ash yelled, his voice cracking with exertion. His entire body was alight with fear.

“Ash, I promise I was safe, Ibe-San met up with me—”

“I can’t believe you were so stupid! You put your life in danger— God!” He was furious now, pacing around the apartment. Eiji sat helplessly on their living room couch, trying to frantically explain, but Ash wouldn’t hear any of it. 

The fight had started when Eiji brought up leaving the apartment, again, _ after _ Ash had told him to drop it. 

“Eiji. I told you to stop bringing it up. It’s too dangerous for you to go outside,” Ash had said. Eiji hadn’t made dinner that night, so Ash was rifling through their cabinets, trying to find something to eat. 

“But you do every day!” Eiji protested. 

“You know it’s different. You don’t know this city like I do, and you don’t know these _ people _like I do,” Ash said, his frustration growing.

“Well how will I learn if I don’t leave this goddamn apartment!” Eiji shouted.

Ash felt his heart twist. He wasn’t the only one on the verge of snapping, and Eiji had been cooped up in this apartment for so long…

“Ash,” Eiji had said quietly. Ash realized he’d been staring at an open cabinet for a while. “I’m sorry. I understand you’re trying to protect me, and I’m being selfish.”

Ash breathed a silent sigh of relief, and Eiji continued. 

“But I did want to tell you… I went out today. I went exploring a little bit, near the East Village, and I found—”

And that’s when Ash had exploded. 

“I can’t believe you put both us in danger!” Ash yelled. 

“I can protect myself,” Eiji snapped. “I’m not just some _ kid _that needs constant surveillance.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ash whipped around to face him, eyes wild. “You can’t go two days without getting kidnapped, so much as _ protect _ yourself!”

Eiji’s mouth pressed into a hard line. “I know you’re mad,” he said, evenly.  
But Ibe-san always says that anger comes from fear.”

“I don’t care what Ibe says! I don’t care about any of it! I care about you and, most importantly, keeping you alive! Why are you putting yourself in danger like this?” Ash’s voice broke again. Eiji’s words were too close to the truth. 

“I’m sorry Ash,” Eiji tried. “It’s just... it’s so hard to watch you leave every day not knowing when or if you’ll come back. I try to be understanding and patient but…” Eiji sighed, grasping for words.

“You have to understand how hard it is. I just wanted to do something... _ nice _. For you. I thought… if I could surprise you by showing you a place in New York you’ve never seen, it might make you happy, or…” Eiji looked sad. “It doesn’t make sense. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

But the strange thing was Ash did get it— _ god _, how he understood. He’d always said that he wanted to protect Eiji, but what good would it do if Eiji was wasting away in an apartment, day after day, worrying about him? What kind of life was that?

Eiji had given up so much just to be with him, and he had never pushed, never asked for more than he could take. And even though he _ had _left, Eiji had made it home safely and (more impressively) had done it without Ash knowing. 

He turned back to face Eiji, who had his head bowed towards the floor.

He could do this one thing for Eiji, right?

—

The door swung open, and Ash was on top of the world. 

New York City was spread out in front of him, blinking brightly and so peacefully he almost didn’t recognize it. The buildings stretched towards the sky, but Ash was now stretching upwards with him. It was the closest to the stars he’d been in a long time.

Slowly, he made his way over to the side of the roof, surrounded by a guardrail that he placed his hands on so he could lean out over the edge. A gust of wind hit Ash’s face and it was exhilarating to look up, down, out, and see nothing but lights and sky. Looking towards the skyline again, he realized how far out of the city they had actually come. The larger buildings were clustered together in the center of downtown, and their heights tapered off as they got further from the center. Ash could see the typical New York landmarks: the Chrysler building, the Empire State, One World Trade Center— all places Ash had passed by many times but had never entered, had never gotten the chance to.

Ash was so caught up in the scenery that he didn’t realize Eiji had joined him until he placed his hand on Ash’s arm and was pointing at something excitedly. Ash tilted his head in the direction of Eiji’s finger; Ash didn’t really know what he was gesturing to, but he didn’t mind. He just stared contentedly at the city.

Eiji turned Ash gently by the shoulders and pointed out onto the horizon.

“And look, Ash! There’s the New York Public Library. I made sure to find a rooftop where you could see it clearly, ‘cause I know it’s your favorite place,” Eiji said. Ash was keenly aware of Eiji’s presence next to him: every small movement, sigh, or beat of his heart.

All of the air in the city left in a rush.

“No, it’s not,” Ash muttered. His own heartbeat was back in his ears.

“What was that?” Eiji asked, setting his head on Ash’s shoulder from where he stood behind him. Ash’s face went warm as he felt Eiji’s breath on his neck and ear. He could feel Eiji’s hair tickling his jaw, ever so lightly, and it made him feel dizzy.

“It’s not my favorite place.”

“Hm? If not the library, then what is?” Eiji said, teasingly. He removed his head from Ash’s shoulder, which allowed Ash to let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Eiji stood next to him, draping his arms over the railing. 

Ash hadn’t said anything, so Eiji tilted his head quizzically. Ash saw it out of the corner of his eye, but he kept his gaze forward, latched onto an unknown spot on the horizon.

“Anywhere you are. That’s my favorite place,” Ash said quietly. He looked down at his hands, aware of the weight of the words that were hanging in the space between them. 

“Ash.”

He felt Eiji’s hand on his cheek, lightly, guiding his head up to meet Eiji’s eyes. They were soft and speckled with the lights from the city and it made them look like they were holding a million stars.

“Ash,” he repeated, smiling softly. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Ash breathed. He was unable to move, utterly entranced by the warm, light touch of Eiji’s hand on his face, and the look in his eyes, so kind and loving and vulnerable, unlike anything Ash had seen in years…

Eiji’s other hand reached out and gently touched the other side of Ash’s face. It was just the ghost of a touch, but it sent electricity through his arms.

Eiji was just looking at him, with that _ look _ on his face, and the weight of being seen by someone like Eiji was so much for Ash, but also, somehow, not enough. He wanted to drown in Eiji’s stare, in the pools of his eyes that crinkled when he laughed, the ones that— tonight— were holding the entire universe.

“I’m not fragile,” Ash whispered, trying to think of something to say. Part of him wished that he could stay like this forever, being gently held by Eiji, and part of him desperately wanted to feel Eiji’s warm mouth on his. Ash’s eyes were dragged to Eiji’s lips then, which were parted slightly as he took a breath to speak.

“I know.”

Ash’s eyes flickered back up to meet Eiji’s.

“But… I want to take my time. I want to do it right,” Eiji murmured, his eyes lidded as they traced the lines of Ash’s face. Ash’s face grew hot under Eiji’s gaze but he didn’t shy away. “You deserve that.”

Ash nodded, so Eiji kissed him.

God, he was gentle. Eiji’s lips were warm against his that Ash wanted to melt. He’d never been kissed like this before, so kind and loving and sincere. He could feel that Eiji wanted more, _ needed _ more, but he didn’t take. He never _ took _ more than Ash offered. This was no different.

One of Eiji’s hands stroked the side of Ash’s cheek and the other threaded softly into Ash’s hair, just enough to run his fingers through it as their lips pressed together. Ash sighed into Eiji’s mouth and tilted his head backwards so that he could grip the back of Eiji’s neck, bringing them closer. 

Ash felt like his skin was on fire and his arms were tingling; somehow, Eiji was the cause of the flames and the cool, blessed water all at once.

He brought up to his cheek and covered Eiji’s own hand that was lying there. Eiji broke the kiss and touched his forehead to Ash’s. He opened his eyes to see Eiji smiling, his lips slightly pink.

Ash felt himself falling back into the twinkling pools of Eiji’s eyes. Eiji grabbed Ash’s hand and held it in front of his mouth and gave it a small kiss.

“Hey,” he said into Ash’s knuckles. Ash felt the vibrations of Eiji’s words on his skin, intimate and warm.

“Hi, Eiji.”

“Thank you,” Eiji breathed.

“For what?” Ash teased.

Eiji rolled his eyes and turned his head towards the bright lights of the city. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thank _ you _,” Ash said. His hand was still held by both of Eiji’s, and he could feel Eiji stroking it absentmindedly with his thumb.

“For what?” Eiji mocked.

“For, uh... getting me lost in New York,” Ash said softly. “I really didn’t think you could do it,” he added, tugging his hand away with a smirk. Eiji narrowed his eyes.

“I can’t do anything nice for you, huh?” he retorted. “I guess you don’t trust me after all.”

“Hey! I never said that—”

“I guess, since I am so unreliable, that you’ll have to find your own way home…” Eiji said, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth. 

“You wouldn’t dare leave me alone? To fend for myself?” Ash asked incredulously. He clutched his hands over his heart.

Eiji broke out into a grin and threw his arms around Ash. Ash stumbled back a few paces, off-balance, until his hands settled on Eiji’s hips. 

“Don’t worry, Ash,” Eiji whispered, nuzzling his face into Ash’s neck. “I’ll get us home safe, I promise. I’ll protect you.”

Ash sighed softly into Eiji’s shoulder and nodded.

_ Eiji would protect him. _Maybe he was starting to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to abbey for the beta and all the love.
> 
> Say hello (and cry about banana fish with me) on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/phichithamsters)


End file.
